Thursday, 20 November 2014

Where the hell is the nearest toilet? I need one and I need it now!

Yes.  It happened again.

The horror that faces every runner at one stage or another in there running career happened to me last night.  It wasnt the first time nor will it be the last.

Wednesday night, Plumstead Runners night.  It was a large turn out last night.  Possibly the best turn out of bodies we've had out in a while.  With no Graham available, we had only two runs going out.  We would all stick together through to Bexley Village and back and then the runs would split, the 5-6 mile group heading back and the longer group headng out towards Sidcup for just over 8 miles.

As per usual, I was all keyed up for the longer run.  I was running well.  Really well.  I'll come back to the major positive in a minute. Up to 4 miles, I was fine.  The group split and we headed off towards Sidcup.  Then that damn god awful thing happens.  Its so horrible that you just cant really even begin to describe it.

You're happily running along and all of a sudden there's a huge gurgle coming from your stomach.  At the end of that gurgle, it feels as though your stomach has dropped and the entire contents of your stomach has dropped to about 1cm from your 'chocolate starfish'.

Immediately, the fear strikes you like being slapped by a wet kipper.

Oh...
My...
God...

The instant reaction is to stop running.  The running motion on the body really doesnt help matters.  Then the brain kicks in... "where is the nearest toilet?"...

The brain goes into computation mode...

"Is there a pub nearby?"..."McDonalds?"..."anything else?"...

No was the answer.  Where we was at that particular point in time was equidistant from any possibility of popping in to use their facilities.  The nearest option was to get back to the club (a mere 1.36 miles away according to my Garmin on checking later!)

I quickly explained to the backmarker, Peter, that I was turning back.  He looked a little shocked when I explained I had stomach cramps and I had to get back quickly...

Then it was all about survival.

I had to get back quick...but not run too much as I was just going to aggravate the situation...

Jog...get a serious twinge...stop immediately...walk very slowly...feel safer...jog...get a serious twinge...and so on.  Thoughts were turning to "would I do a Paula Radcliffe?  how the hell will I walk through the bar to the changing rooms if I let go?"...

I made it back to the club just in time.  I literally ran down the driveway of the club, straight through the doors into the bar, straight into the toilet with the door slamming behind me.

I emerged 10 mins later when a biohazard team entered the building to close the 'gents' from further use...

How the hell I got back without a serious incident I will never know.

The whole episode reminded me of this scene from Dumb and Dumber...



Anyhow, with the crap out of the way (pardon the bad pun), I can concentrate on the major positive to take out of the 4 good miles I did run.

I said I was feeling good.  There's a nice hill that we regularly climb when out with the Plums.  We dont run up it very often as we normally come the other way as its part of our 10k course.

As I was running up it, I was thinking to myself I was feeling really good and really strong.  I wasnt too far off the front and I thought I really must go home and check out the stats for the segment.

Here it is...



Its not a massive lump by any means but its definitely a tester.  Now look at the times I've recorded for the segment...




A new PB for the segment by 11 seconds with an almost identical average HR measurement.  I'll take that gladly given I'm currently weighing a little bit more than this time last year.

More significantly, its my fastest time this year by some considerable margin, some 27 seconds.  Bearing in mind I was suffering from the Paris overtraining hangover at that point will have something to do with it (check out that increased average HR again!) so am definitely moving in the right direction.


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